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The Deal God Never Made

Is it ever right to put career before family?

by Dennis Pollock

"He who troubles his own house will inherit the wind." — Proverbs 11:29

Christmas is a family time. There is something about this special season of the year that makes one think of home and family, of children and homemade cookies, of putting up the Christmas tree together with carols playing on the stereo, and snacks and punch on the table. Take away the pleasure of being with people you love, and Christmas just wouldn't be the same.

Family means a lot to me. With our large (by today's standards) family of seven, we have ample opportunities for conflicts and frustrations, but likewise for meaningful and rewarding experiences which are far more precious to me than all the riches of this world. Perhaps for this reason I was deeply moved when I read the book, Days of Glory, Seasons of Night. Few books have ever touched me as this book did. By the time I was nearing its final pages, I was in tears, not merely welling up, but deeply sobbing.

The book tells the tragic story of the late Bob Pierce, founder of the well known ministry, World Vision. It is lovingly, yet candidly written by Bob's daughter, Marilee Pierce Dunker. It is must reading for every person who even contemplates full time ministry, and it would prove to be a blessing for all those who are faced with balancing the service of the Lord with family responsibilities.

Birth of a Ministry

After working as a youth pastor in his father-in-law's church, Bob Pierce was discovered by a para-church ministry called Youth For Christ. In the late 1940's he was sent by that organization over to China to hold youth rallies and evangelistic campaigns. It was there that it became evident that the grace of God was powerfully upon his life. Letters written to his family contained thrilling accounts of huge meetings and thousands of conversions.

It was heady stuff for a young evangelist. Bob was even entertained by Madame Chiang Kai-shek. He had gone to China as a nobody and was now a man of international stature. Having tasted the fruit of the promised land of anointed ministry, and having experienced the joy of walking in the calling and gifts of God for his life, he became a man with a purpose.

His ministry continued to expand. In Korea he saw similar, phenomenal results. A typical day there might begin with a sunrise sermon to soldiers at an army camp chapel. He would then proceed to a girl's high school for a meeting. In the afternoon he would share at a boys' high school, and then conclude the day with an assembly for teachers and faculty. That evening he would preach at the city's largest auditorium. On such a day he would speak before four to six thousand people and see hundreds make a commitment to receive Christ.

Within a few short years, such labors made Bob a legend throughout the Orient. Between the years of 1956 and 1964 he would become one of the ten most traveled men in the world, receiving one and two million mile certificates from several different airlines. His office walls were lined with awards, plaques, and testimonials.

Life at Home

There was, of course, a price to be paid for such single-minded devotion to the ministry. Bob was absent from his home and family as much as ten months out of each year. When he did come home, his bags often stayed packed, as he would usually be back on the road in a week or so. His wife and daughters adjusted to the chaotic schedule as best they could, but in time it would take a terrible toll upon all of them.

Knowing that his family was being deprived of those special times with dad that most other families took for granted tore at his heart from time to time, but he was convinced that he could do nothing else. Two particular thoughts reinforced this idea. First was the Scripture which he quoted so frequently to assuage the concerns of his wife: "If any man come to Me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children... he cannot be my disciple." Understanding this to mean that he was obliged to put his ministry and the needs of the world before his own family, he was able to put away any feelings that he might be neglecting his family by his constant absence.

The second thing that enable him to live a life of almost total neglect of his family was a "deal" he had made with God when he realized the extent of travel his ministry would involve. This deal seemed to be reasonable: "I've made an agreement with God that I'll take care of His helpless little lambs overseas if He'll take care of mine at home." Believing that the Lord would surely honor such a noble arrangement, he was able to justify years of family neglect for "the Lord's sake."

Bitter Fruits

The story of Bob Pierce is the story of triumph and tragedy. It is the story of meetings filled with the glory of God and countless conversions, and yet it is also the story of disintegration and despair. As World Vision grew larger, it required greater and greater organization and controls. A conservative board and a maverick founder began to clash in harsher and more intense disagreements. The strife culminated one day when Bob Pierce signed the entire organization over to the board and walked away from the product of a lifetime of labor.

Leaving World Vision seemed to inject a note of personal bitterness into Bob's life, although it was not evident in his anointed ministry, and he still found plenty of preaching and ministry outlets for his boundless energy.

His daughter Sharon called him while he was oversees one day and asked if somehow he could come home and talk to her. She was depressed and desperately needed to see him. But he felt it was out of the question. He was already scheduled for important meetings in Vietnam.

When her mother, who had been traveling with Bob that time, managed to get home ahead of Bob, she found her daughter in the hospital with her wrists bound, recovering from an unsuccessful attempt to take her life. "I know you love me, Mama," she said, "but I just needed to feel Daddy's arms around me." In November of 1968 she tried again. This time she did not fail.

Space fails me to tell of the dissolving marriage which came to the point of Bob taking an apartment and refusing to live any longer with his wife and children; of his last tragic days as he died of leukemia, steadfastly refusing to allow his wife to be with him and care for him in his weakness. Mercifully he did agree to have one final family reunion at a restaurant where he, his wife, and his two grown daughters were able to enjoy each others presence and pretend that the bitterness of the previous years did not exist. Four days later he was dead.

A Lesson We Dare Not Ignore

The book from which I have learned this tragic story was written by Pierce's daughter, not in a condemning and judgmental fashion, but in a very loving and tender spirit. Amazingly Marilee is a woman who greatly honors and loves her father, yet she comes to what I believe is a very realistic and wise conclusion: the deal that her father made with God to look after His little lambs overseas, if He would look after Bob's at home, was a deal never endorsed or ratified by the Lord. It was not ratified because it violated one of the most fundament tenants of the Scriptures: "If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith..." (1 Timothy 5:8).

We often look at that verse in connection with physical provision, but physical needs are not the only needs moms and dads must provide. The needs for love and warmth and simply being there for our children in difficult times are every bit as important as the need for material things.

As we celebrate Christmas this season, let us give hearty thanks to the Lord for our families. May we hold these precious relationships as dear to our hearts as the Lord Jesus holds the church to Him, for "no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church" (Ephesians 5:29). And may we never become so enamored with ministry that we forget that our first ministry, after the Lord Himself, is to those precious souls the Lord has entrusted to our care.

While you are doing your Christmas shopping, consider buying the book, Days of Glory, Seasons of Night, for yourself. It is an awesome testimony to the priority of family relationships.